S7/8: Roster Analysis

With ten teams we have a statistically overwhelming sample size to determine what characters were most favored for death. So I ran the numbers and here’s some trends I found. For our full team rosters, go here. And check out this Ringer article about legit GoT gambling sites! Also our friend and former fantasy GoT contestant Samit's insightful and comprehensive recaps are back!

Major Characters
Cersei Lannister leads the way here, with 8/10 owners picking her to meet an untimely death. (The only ones who didn’t? Susie/Michael and Jon.) After that we had Jamie Lannister and Petyr Baelish tied at being selected for 7/10 teams, with five teams going with the entire Cersei/Jamie/Petyr trifecta.

After that we had three people selecting Varys and Sansa, two each for Arya and Jon Snow, and only one contestant (J.A.) selecting Daenerys for an offing. Of the ten major characters, Bran and Tyrion were voted least likely to die by the end of the series as nobody picked them at all...

Minor Characters
Out of our list of twenty minor characters, only Gilly and Podrick didn’t appear on at least one team. Voted most likely to die were Daario Naharis, Grey Worm, and The Night King, who showed up on six teams each. Jorah Mormont was a popular selection too, showing up on half our teams’ rosters.

The Hound and Tormond Giantsbane were on four teams, with Davos Seaworth, Melisandre, and Theon Greyjoy all popping on three lists apiece. Then we get to the less popular characters, who each appeared only twice: Bronn, Ellaria Sand, Meera Reed, Thoros of Myr, and Yara Greyjoy. Brienne (Jordy), Drogon (Kavi), Samwell Tarly (Susie/Michael), and Missandei (Frank) each only appear once.

Non-Major/Minor Characters
We were hoping with a weighted system that the more prominent members of the GoT universe would get picked, and I guess the weighting worked as only four team owners went off the board to select non-major/minor characters. Malou selected Euron Greyjoy, Jon took two “nobodies” as did Frank, and Ankur selected a whopping four +1 characters. (Check out the team breakdown for a special note on one of Ankur’s picks.)

Which owners are rooting for animal deaths?
Ankur thinks Ghost will die, Kavi is taking the baddest dragon, Drogon, and Jon is hoping Viserion is the throwaway dragon.

What about the tie-breakers?
In the event of a tie, we’re going with a tie-breaker, consisting of who is the most likely to live after S8 out of Daenerys, Tyrion or Jon Snow. Surprisingly, nobody picked the Queen of Dragons for the tie-break, with five owners each selecting Tyrion and the newest King in the North. Let's hope this doesn't come down to a tie-break though!

Richest Houses in Westeros

0) The Iron Bank
We start here, even though the Iron Bank is not a house, nor in Westeros. But we have to highlight their existence as the richest anything in the GoT universe. As proof, the Iron Bank makes even entire kingdoms supplicants and probably charges at least 20% interest just to stick it to them too. Also, unlike other mega-rich entities, they don’t really need to pay an army for collections because their M.O. is to just fund the other side if someone doesn’t pay up. Mark Gatiss is a genius.

1) House Tyrell
Mace Tyrell may be an idiot but he’s a rich idiot. Already the Lord of Highgarden, Mace kind of owns King’s Landing too, as he’s underwriting most of their bills, has his daughter on the throne/dungeon, and continues having bountiful harvest after bountiful harvest in The Reach. Also, Mace is now Master of Ships and Master of Coin, which we can only assume are high paying positions. Actually, are members of the Small Council paid? Probably not...

2) House Martell
All those water gardens don’t just water themselves do they? From what I can tell, Dorne is like Palm Springs and despite a very dry climate, their landscaping is impressive. My entire basis for giving House Martell such a high ranking is that their wine is said to be the best in the land, and look at how much wine everyone in Game of Thrones drinks.

And let's not forget that Dorne was unconquerable by outside forces, even against Aegon's dragons, so they've been able to steadily fill their coffers. The downside for this Southern power is that there don’t seem to be any Martells left, with only Ellaria Sand and her collection of Oscar winning Sand Snakes to rule. And it looks like Ellaria is about to blow big money on an all out war against the Lannisters...

3) House Targaryen
This one’s tricky… Exactly how much is Dany worth? She’s the ex-wife of a khal, and I assume she gets some of the treasure that Khal Drogo must have storage unit-ed at Vaes Dothrak. I mean, it’s not like her khalasar is alive to claim any of it. (“Hey Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, where are all the Dothraki who went off with you? They’re all dead?!?” That would have been my first question to her upon her arrival at Dothraki-Con.)

Dany's also the ruler of Meereen, which used to be a flourishing city-state. Well, maybe not now that there’s no slave labor to reinforce the economy. In fact, Dany is like the anti-King Midas, as everything she touches tends to turn to economic shit. But she’s got three dragons, which are near priceless, and Ser Jorah’s unrelenting unrequited love, which is the most precious gift of all. Plus Dany’s also Hizdahr zo Loraq’s widow, which means she should get all of his noble money too. House Targaryen's rich!

4) House Bolton
What the Boltons lack in sincerity they make up for in upward mobility. And now it’s all Ramsay’s. Without a father, or an upstart brother to deal with, the sickest Bolton not only has the Dreadfort but also Winterfell, and with the Starks out of the way — or technically his by marriage — the former second most powerful house in the North is now the most powerful.

Ramsay’s titles are starting to get more and more impressive too: Lord of the Dreadfort, Lord Paramount of the North, Warden of the North, Lord of Winterfell, Kinslayer. Maybe the misdirect in GoT is that it’s the other Snow that’s really a Targaryen. R+L=R? Ramsay sure seems to have an affinity for canines doesn't he? And there's no question he could be a descendent of the Mad King...

5) House Frey
Walder Frey is Lord of the Riverlands and anyone looking to get past the Crossing has to pay him a toll. That’s a lot of cash FasTraking through every year, and while the Freys are basically detested for their new money  -- not to mention their recent backstabbing -- they’ve managed to become very powerful in a short time. And let’s not forget Robb said that the Freys had a huge army, which he desperately needed to attack the South. Sigh, remember those good old days when the Young Wolf was undefeated in battle?

6) Petyr Baelish
There is no House Baelish but isn't Petry Baelish basically a house unto himself? Little Finger is now Lord Protector of the Vale, Lord of Harrenhal, and definitely embezzled while on the job as Master of Coin. Plus, let’s not forget that he probably owns a chain of franchised brothels all across Westeros. And even though those annoying Sparrows might be bad for business right now, we all know that sex always sells. The man just smells like money, and probably heavy cologne. Sidenote: I'd love to know where Baelish keeps his money. Offshore, probably.

7) House Arryn
It seems like House Arryn would be pretty wealthy, but as enclosed as they are in The Eyrie, I don’t think they’re exactly rolling in dough. What exactly are they making money on all the way up there? Plus, look at the haircuts and clothing on Lysa and Robin. They dressed like shit and that has to say something about how House Arryn can’t even afford decent Internet to comb through Pinterest and Tumblr.

8) House Greyjoy
Speaking of people who dress like shit, the Ironborn could really use a makeover. For their entire kingdom. Crappy castles, dingy boats, the Ironborn don’t exactly look like a Great House of Westeros. And it's not like there's a lot of tourism coming to those cloudy, rocky little islands. Plus, "We Do Not Sow" means they aren't exactly producing anything either. In theory the Ironborn are great traders and raid and pillage towns, but we’re pretty sure there’s not much profit in that. The British used their Royal Navy to colonize half the world, the Greyjoys seem to just keep rowing towards defeat.

"The Greyjoys’ extreme commitment to the shabby-chic look is nevertheless bound to be its own special kind of aesthetic torture."
-Bennett Madison's EP4 recap-

9) House Lannister
These dudes had it so good. Well, not really. Tywin informed us that all the gold mines in Casterly Rock have been empty for years, plus their Lannister savings probably went to prop up the throne's failing finances and we know that the crown owes money to just about everybody. And technically the Lannisters don’t even run the town, as Tommen is publicly known as a Baratheon.

Even if the Lannisters did own the crown’s assets, it’s not like tax money is rolling in during wartime (Oh yeah, wars are expensive!) So explain to me exactly how House Lannister still has money? The answer is that they probably don’t, as they’re over-leveraged, low on assets, and will likely have to declare bankruptcy soon. That gold lion on their banner is about to be sold off for scrap metal.

...75) House Stark
Hilarious. Bran’s in a tree, Rickon’s about to suffer god-knows-what, Arya is on an endless Mobius strip of a lame plotline, Jon isn’t a Stark, and Sansa had her birthright forcibly taken away. Very forcibly. But maybe the Starks can recover as they are still the people's choice as House of the North. Or wait, are they? Frey, Bolton, Karstark, the list of families defecting against them just keeps growing...

76) House Baratheon
There are no Baratheons left. And we know Gendry ain’t coming back to reclaim his father’s throne -- since he's a bastard, and probably drowned at sea due to an inability to row or swim. Once Tommen gets exposed as a Lannister, or puts on that supple gold cloak of death, the Baratheons will truly be no more. Sidenote: Who owns Storm’s End now that Stannis is gone?

80) House Tarth
There are no rubies in Tarth. Sorry Locke, Jaime lied. But at least House Tarth now owns a Valyrian steel sword!

99) House Hollard
Ser Dontos was ignominiously made King Joffrey's fool and then it turned out that his family's last heirloom wasn't even real, but a cheap fake! Also, Ser Dontos, last surviving member of House Hollard, is dead. No spoilers.

Season 5 Review

Just like last year, let’s dig into the final season standings. And if you were in a league this year, post on the FB page how your team did and who your key players were! And as always, a big hand to Ryan for doing all the scoring. You think following each stab and tracking each insult is hard? Try dealing with all the “you missed this” discussion afterwards! So yes, a big hand for the Fantasizr GoT team!

Who would have guessed that the top scorer for the season would be Grey Worm! He didn’t get naked, he didn’t insult anyone, and apparently the Unsullied don’t drink, but boy did owners of Mr. Missandei get their money’s worth of points from EP4, aka the one where Grey Worm killed everyone and then almost got killed himself. All of Grey Worm’s league leading 176 points was accrued in EP4 and that was enough to push him ahead of Tyrion Lannister for S5 MVP.

Here were this season’s top five: Grey Worm (176 pts), Tyrion Lannister (172), Jorah Mormont (169), Ramsay Bolton (139), and Daario Naharis (137). In addition, Nymeria Sand, Cersei Lannister, Daenerys Targaryen, and Barristan Selmy also managed to get into triple digits. The most surprising name on the top ten? Olenna Tyrell, who came in at #10 on the strength of a blistering stream of insults, mostly from EP7.

Jaime Lannister makes his case for LVP once again, as he only scored 31 points tota -- for one kill, three drinks, and an injury. Or maybe “LVP” is really just “major character/screentime with the least number of points.” At least Dany redeemed her horrific S4 by putting in work with her insults for S5. Pro tip: Don’t draft the Kingslayer next season...

Last year there was 850+ points accrued for the season. For S5, with expanded rosters and new scoring rules, the total points doled out was 2515! Let’s look at the breakdown.

• Insult (IST, +7): 1099 pts
• Injury (INJ, +4): 556 pts
• Killing (KIL, +9): 522 pts
• Drinking (DRK, +6): 234 pts
• Sex/Nudity (SEX, +8): 104 pts

Of the 72 character roster, 26 of them didn’t even get on the board. Of the 46 characters who actually scored, the average score was 54.7 points, and while that represents nine characters who scored in triple digits, an impressive half the characters got above that 54.7 point mark. Not bad. I would guess that made the fantasy season very exciting as there were a bunch of players who put in big points, unlike last season where having anyone in the top five or so probably guaranteed you a place in the top tier. Let's look at the individual categories...

Insult: 1099 points (43.7%)
Last year I said "Next year we’re gonna have to figure out how to translate great lines/insults into points.” With IST points accounting for 43.7% of S5’s total scoring, I think the goal has been accomplished! Sure, KIL and INJ points were split into two categories this season, but IST still outpaced them combined! For this season at least, words were sharper than swords.

And those with the sharpest tongues? Daenerys, Olenna Tyrell, Cersei Lannister, Ramsay Bolton, and Tyrion Lannister. Pretty much exactly who you’d expect, with maybe a surprise #1 showing by Dany. Insult points were a powerhouse this season and helped pushed all of the GoT Mean Girls into top five territory.

Injury: 556 points (22.1%)
There were a lot of intense battles this season but MVP for the category goes to Jorah Mormont, who really picked up steam in the last few episodes, wrecking his way through Stone Men, gladiators, and Sons of the Harpy. Nymeria Sand tied with Jorah with 84 INJ points, which was a bit of a surprise as none of the Sand Snakes did that much damange — on-screen or in the hearts of fans. But then I remembered that her slapfest with Tyene gave her an outrageous INJ point total.

The rest of the high INJ scorers pretty much broke down as expected, with fighters like Grey Worm, Tormund Giantsbane, Arya Stark, Barristan Selmy, and Daario Naharis leading the way. Tyrion Lannister was the one surprise, as he managed to rank #4 in this category, probably based on the strength of his chain beatdown in EP7. And Daario had the nerve to question his worth in battle!

What’s more shocking, that Ramsay Bolton only scored one instance of INJ, or that he tied with that vicious cold blooded killer Olly? There's no way Olly doesn't turn into Ramsay Jr. right?

Killing: 522 points (20.8%)
Moving onto the KIL category, we’ve already covered Grey Worm’s exploits. Same with Barristan Selmy, who managed to kill enough Harpy Sons to rank #2 in kills before bowing out of the show himself. Jorah, Daario, and Brienne round out the rest of the top killers and I would love to see a tournament among those names to see who’s the best fighter in the land.

With Jaime Lannister forcibly vacated from the throne of “best fighter in Westeros,” who would win in a Grey Worm, Ser Barristan, Jorah, Daario, and Brienne Royal Rumble? For an undercard, we can have Jon Snow and Bronn thrown into the mix too, as they were the #6 and #8 scorers in this category. Oh heck, let’s just throw in Tormund too. His skull cracking was mighty impressive!

I’d put my money on Brienne actually, as the winner. I mean, Barristan Selmy and Jorah are a bit over the hill, Grey Worm seems to only be useful in specific situations, and Daario, Bronn, and Tormund seem to all eschew proper armor. Plus Brienne is the only one with a Valyrian blade. So yeah, my money is on Brienne.

And then the winner of the GoT Royal Rumble gets to fight the undead: Oberyn Martell or Mecha-Mountain or The Hound!? I would pony up for a PPV for this right? Warriiiiiiors, come out and plaaaaaay!

Drinking: 234 points (9.3%)
In a shock to no one, Tyrion is the league leader in this category. In fact, Tyrion, Cersei, and Jaime are all high scorers in drinking, proving that the Lannisters value a nice glass of red above all else — even each other.

Only Ramsay Bolton, sadist and apparent alcoholic, manages to break up the Lannister lush party. If these four got wild and drunk, who would get the most belligerent? Or the most verbally abusive? (Wait, how did Jaime not get one insult point all season?! He’s useless…)

Sex/Nudity: 104 points (4.2%)
Ramsay Bolton, take a bow! Cersei made a late charge for the sex/nudity lead with her agonizing walk but Ramsay had this low scoring category sewn up with his three sex scenes. And while Tyene Sand had the most memorable nude scene this season, even the most beautiful woman in the world received only eight points for nudity.

Alright, that's it for S5, and let's bunker down for the looooong break until S6 arrives. The big question looming over everything is if Jon Snow is actually dead, but for fantasy purposes Jon Snow lost some of his luster this season as he fell out of the top scorers. It's clear that the key to victory in fantasy GoT is to grab the lesser names. S4 featured Tormund as the MVP, S5 had Grey Worm...will S6 give us a random Dothraki warrior to lead the way? Or will a dragon finally be draftable?! "I take Drogon, I take Drogon with my S6 #1 pick!" Imagine the nudity points...

S5: Who to Draft?

Last year, the top players in GoT fantasy were the killers. All the sexing, insulting, and drinking couldn’t get you more than a handful of points. But oh that sweet sweet killing! The top five scorers for Season Four were: Tormund Giantsbane, Ygritte, Jon Snow, The Hound, and Styr. By a wide margin. So even though the point balance has been spread out a little bit, at the end of the day, killing and injurying someone is still the best route to fantasy success. Does it skew who’s actually good in fantasy GoT? Of course it does.

If you go over last season’s archives, you’ll see that a majority of points were awarded during the big battle scenes. Therefore, this season, the key is to grab players who will be in fighting scenes and slice and dice their way across the screen.

Basically that means some of the more popular characters, the ones that will appear on-screen the most, are nigh useless. But who should go #1 for Season 5? Well, the clear answer is our man in the North, Jon Snow. He was drafted #1 overall in our league last season and I see no reason he shouldn’t go #1 in everyone’s league. Jon is a five (six) tool GoT fantasy player and he’s guaranteed to be in lots of swordfights. After that though, it’s a toss up. I mean, three-fourths of the top five from last year — Ygritte, The Hound, Styr — are dead or presumed dead, so that elevates Mr. Snow to the top by default, unless you think Tormund Giantsbane can repeat his huge scores from last season.

With a player roster full of new names, and a changing landscape in Westeros and Essos, we’re gonna take a few guesses at which players could likely end up the season as top scorers. And look at some dark horses and overrated players.

Arya Stark: She finished last season at #6 (albeit with scores far below Styr) and since she’s about to become a full fledged killer, that ranking can only go up. We wouldn’t argue with making Arya a top pick for Season 5 drafts.

Daario Naharis: Daario II is going to play a bigger role this year and since he complained about having nothing to do last season, it’s likely he’ll get a few more battle scenes in Season 5. Plus, he’s guaranteed at least a few nudity and sexing points since he’s Khaleesi’s new boy toy.

Tormund Giantsbane: He was our number one overall scorer last season on the strength of basically two episodes so it’s possible he’ll finish up high again. Of course, it’s also possible he’ll get killed in a battle right away, so draft him at your peril.

SLEEPERS
Stannis Baratheon: Here we go, maybe the most likely candidate to win “Most Improved Player.” Stannis is finally in a position to do some fighting and even if he is a Type-A bore, he’s going to get much more to do this season. Assuming Stannis is involved in at least one big battle, he should easily outpace last year’s paltry point total. Similar to: Mance Rayder. Both leaders tend to stand around planning a lot but not doing much of anything, can that change this season?

Sand Snakes: There’s three of these dangerous ladies being introduced to us this season: Tyene, Nymeria, and Obara. Surely the Red Viper's bastards will get to avenge their father in some way right? Also, keep an eye on Ellaria Sand as she could definitely find her way into some drinking and sexing points.

Missandei and Grey Worm: We don’t care if they score a lot, we just ‘ship them and it looks like we’ll get our dream come true this season. Give them all the points! Can Missandei tutor us in Westerosi? Give a hand for Nathalie Emmanuel’s star turn in Fast & Furious 7 as the most beautiful hacker ever! (Also, Kenneth Branagh’s Cinderella featured Robb Stark / Richard Madden as the prince, plus Xaro Xhoan Daxos / Nonso Anozie as his captain of the guards! Who else did sharp eyed GoT fans see in the movies recently? Oh, and Sophie Turner is going to be Jean Grey in the next X-Men!?! What!)

YOU DECIDE
Cersei and Tyrion Lannister: It's a shame more points won't be awarded for screen time or political manipulation. Instead, these two siblings will have to count on copious amounts of verbal daggers and drinking to pump up their value. While neither are likely to kill -- even though Tyrion gets a few low blows in per season -- both get so much screen time that they're guaranteed to rank as some of the higher scoring players. Just beware that their fantasy ceiling is limited by how little they actually do.

Petyr Baelish: He's potentially a five tool player but won't do enough of any one thing to outperform most of the battle heavy no-names. Still, Little Finger is a safe selection just to get some points on the board.

STAY AWAYS
Daenerys Targaryen: While’s she’s a central figure in the show, Dany’s dragons don’t count for kills or injuries and she’s not going to do a whole lot else. Maybe a few drinking scenes, a few (body doubled) nudity scenes, and one or two sex scenes. Let the Mother of Dragons fall in your draft, she’s not going to score much for you. Keep Khaleesi in your hearts but off your roster...

Jaime Lannister: Last season he got two instances of sexing and one of drinking for a grand total of eleven points. Bran Stark, Petyr Baelish, and Samwell Tarly each got more kill points than the Kingslayer. This season, Jaime will be traveling to Dorne to retrieve his daughter and maybe he’ll get into some verbal spats but since he’s useless with a sword now, it’s unlikely he’ll be getting any killing or injury points. At least his pride has somewhat returned now that he has a golden hand.

Varys: Ha, you must be kidding right? Varys is the "most screen time, least scoring main character,” unless you count Margaery Tyrell. While both Varys and Margaery have many gifts, none of them include fantasy GoT scoring.

SLEEPERS
Anybody with a sword basically. I’m talking to you Thoros of Myr, Yara Greyjoy, Brienne of Tarth, Davos Seaworth, Bronn, Beric Dondarrion, Barristan Selmy, etc. Basically, don’t draft Doran Martell, Oberyn’s brother, who we hear is chairbound from, um, gout?

Season 5 is Here!

Well, here it is! After months of waiting and teasers and having all your friends (but you) go to the Season 5 premiere in San Francisco, GoT is finally back in our lives. The excitement of starting a second year of fantasy GoT is almost as good as standing six feet away from the entire cast. Almost... But don't let my bitterness over missing a once-in-a-lifetime event bring you down. It's Season Five, here we go!

The S5 rules have been modified a bit from last year but remain similar. Mostly, scoring categories have been adjusted, with the a new category being added: nudity. Also, there are now no negative points (last year there was negatives for getting injured or being insulted). Once again, thanks to Daniel of Fantasizr and Ryan for scorekeeping and coming up with the whole idea for Game of Thrones fantasy!

• Killing (KIL): +9 points for killing someone.
• Sex (SEX): +8 points for getting down. Shown or implied, judged by the scorekeeper.
• Nudity (NUD): +8 points for male or female nudity, including butts.
• Insult (IST): +7 points for every good insult.
• Drinking (DRK):+ 6 points for every scene their character is seen drinking.
• Injury (INJ): +4 points for every injury inflicted (non-kill).

If you want to take a look at our inaugural fantasy season stats in review, here they are: Season 4 Review.

Season 4 Review

I was thinking of going over our draft and teams from pre-season to do a full evaluation but let’s agree that it’s not really necessary. Especially when my #3 overall top pick, Daenerys "Sits on the Wrong Throne" Targaryen, turned out to have only scored six total points on the season! Dany was arguably the biggest bust in the draft, along with Jaime Lannister, who went #4 overall, but at least Mr. Goldhand got into double digit points -- and returned into his true love's embrace.

What is interesting is looking at the high scorers in each category, and seeing if there were any standouts and surprises. Overall, our top scorers were Tormund Giantsbane (142), Ygritte (138), Jon Snow (125), The Hound (117), and Styr (98). After those five is a huge drop off to Arya Stark with 37 points. Twenty seven characters accrued points this season — out of forty four — and all of them were positive scorers save one, Theon Lovejoy. The average character scored 33.5 points but that’s very misleading as the mean score was only 13 points. Basically, if you had a top five character, you did great! And if you didn’t, then it was a loooong season. In our league, Direwolf Pups! romped the field by owning three of the top five players...

Injury:
Overall, eight players got positive injury points — meaning they injured people — and two were the recipients of injury. Tyrion and Hodor were -7 and -14 points on the season for injuries suffered, while The Hound (56), Tormund Giantsbane (42), Jon Snow (21), Oberyn Martell (14), and Styr (14) were tops in positive injury points. I guess this means The Hound isn't so much a killer as he is a maimer?

Killing:
Most of the points action this season was in killing so it’s no surprise that thirteen characters racked up kills. Of those, four were single kills: Brienne, Daario Naharis, Petyr Baelish, and Samwell Tarly. It seems like Bran and Hodor split a kill, and then we move onto the real crew of killers, starting from the top. While it looked like The Hound (50) or Arya (30) would be murdering their way across Westeros early on, it turned out that all that fighting around The Wall brought the major points. Ygritte, Jon Snow, and Tormund Giantsbane all had ten or more kills, while Styr wasn’t far behind with eight. Overall though, it looks like Tormund and Ygritte win “best draft day values” as they were both picked up in the third round and finished #1 and #2 in scoring, respectively. MVP for our season goes to Ygritte though, as she was on the winning Direwolf Pups! team, plus she was so nasty that she didn’t get any injury points, meaning if she hit you, you died!

Sexing:
C’mon, where was all the gratuitous sex! Isn’t Game of Thrones all about that? Seven characters got sexing points, all only once, save for the twincest couple of Cersei and Jaime. It could be argued that Petyr Baelish deserves a double down for his possible hook up with Sansa, but perhaps that was way too off screen to count. The real curiosity is how Theon Greyjoy ended up with -7 for sex! I mean, is that the punishment for castration? (We assume this is a miscore for injury, but it’s funny so we hope it never gets corrected).

Insult:
The most subjective scoring category we used. What is a proper insult? Regardless of how Ryan defined it, eleven characters had positive insult points, while four were basically at the butt end of verbal daggers: Brienne, Ygritte, Theon Greyjoy, and Petyr Baelish. Interestingly, Tywin Lannister hardly put up any points in this category, although it’s hard to track week by week as there’s only a total here, and +2 and -2 insult points could have been moved by the episode. The winner in the duel of the dirty mouth department was Joffrey (20), who left very early on in Season 4 but not before flaming his uncle with a barrage of insults. Tyrion (16) and Cersei (14) got theirs, and The Hound was even a surprising #4 in the category with his ten points. Next year we’re gonna have to figure out how to translate great lines/insults into points!

Drinking:
For a show featuring so much alcohol, only thirteen characters imbided at least once. And of those, only about half drank more than once. Westeros’ resident lush Cersei only got six points here, which was very surprising. The other top drinkers were all Lannisters also: Tyrion and Joffrey with four points each. We’re thinking this category may have to go next season, as it’s probably funner to take real shots while watching the show, versus trying to track who is drinking on-screen.

OVERALL:
Out of 869 points doled out, the breakdown went like this: killing (590 pts), injury (147), insults (68), sexing (38), drinking (26). That’s 85% of points from injury/killing. That’s pretty heavily lopsided obviously and the challenge next season will be to come up with a system that more equally rewards all the other fun parts of watching Game of Thrones. Until then, big thanks to Ryan for starting the league (not the mention all the crazy scoring he had to do), thanks to Fantasizr, and thanks to all the members of So You Think You Can Dance With Dragons for participating!

EP 7,8: Hulk Smash

Despite this being undoubtedly Game of Thrones’ most exciting season from a viewer’s perspective, the action has been far and few in-between. EP7 had lots of fantastic bits that really moved individual plots forward, but none of that resulted in a lot of fantasy points. Sure, The Hound and Arya both got killing points, but that’s de rigueur by now. What was more exciting was the kill by Little Finger, plus Daenerys finally getting down (even if it was off-screen)! Unfortunately for everyone, Gregor Clegane wasn’t a draftable character, as his one scene mauling defenseless prisoners/peasants would have obviously scored high.

And then we got EP8, the much anticipated Oberyn Martell versus The Mountain showdown. Of course, for our purposes, what was much more interesting was the Wildlings raid on Gilly's village. Tormund Giantsbane, Ygritte, and Styr all racked up huge killing numbers, vaulting high into the scoring ranks. In fact, those three are now all ranked in the individual top five scorers, pushing that bloodthirsty overachiever, Arya, into sixth place.

As for our league standings, what is there to say? Direwolf Pups extends their lead as they own The Hound, Ygritte, and Styr. With 222 points, they almost double second place God of T!t$ and Wine’s 112 points. While there’s a big battle at The Wall coming in EP9, it’s hard to envision any team catching up to the Pups. It’s a little more interesting at the bottom of the standings, as Dark Knights makes a late push to rise out of the cellar. They’re only fifteen points out of fourth place, which could make for an exciting finish. Okay, who am I kidding, this season is oveeeerrr!

EP 4,5,6: Number Driven

Well, it hasn’t really been very exciting these past few weeks, at least fantasy wise. For example, EP4 served up only three drinking points and one insult, with the high scorer being Tyrion Lannister with two points. Last week’s episode, EP6, gave us only +10 for Tyrion’s many insults and then second place was a mere two points from Tywin’s mouth. Bleh.

Thank goodness there was a big battle in EP5, which gave us +50 for Jon Snow, an intriguing +5 each to Bran Stark and Hodor (interesting split there, and likely appropriate), and a smattering of other points, including Petry Baelish’s off-screen sexing. It seems the rhythm of the show is to give us one big fight scene every other episode...but we're running out of episodes!

Overall, the negative points have almost been more interesting as Arya, Hodor, and Theon have all accumulated -7 for being injured, while Cersei has racked up -4 total from insults taken. Could someone actually end the season with negative points?

Scoring tidbit: So far, twenty-one characters haven’t scored yet, three have negative point totals, nine have put up less than ten points, and only eleven characters have totals in the double digits. Ex-king Joffrey is still ranked #6 on the individual leaderboards, despite being dead for over half the episodes.

So what of our standings? Well, Direwolf Pups! is still the runaway leader with 139 points, but at least Valar Morghulis has jumped up to within spitting distance of the lead, trailing by a mere 57 points. That’s just one good fight away from being the top dog!

As for everyone else, aside from God of T!t$ and Wine with a respectable 60+ points, it could be said their seasons are practically almost over, sine they all have under thirty points. Heck, two teams (Imping Ain’t Easy and Dark Nights) have actually lost points over the past three weeks, with Trieu’s Dark Knights dropping from thirteen points after EP3 to a mere seven points now. Ouch.

EP3: Murderers of Innocents

How bad must a cannibal’s breath smell? At least better than close talker Peter Baelish, right? Nobody knew who Styr was before the season but after seeing the premiere, it was clear the leader of the Thenns had the potential to rack up a ton of killing points. So, it was a bit of a surprise when Styr's main contribution to the farm massacre was scaring the little boy. Just one kill? You can do better than that Mr. Halitosis.

The bulk of the on-screen killing was actually done by Tormund Giantsbane and Ygritte. How shocked were you to see that the arrow loosed into that guy’s head was courtesy of our favorite redhead? Boom! Ygritte also proved that -- by bow or by sword -- she's the very definition of "one shot, one kill" as she racked up four kills against zero injured.

And finally, sex sex sex! Sure, it was gross rape-y twincest but Jamie and Cersei owners will take the points just the same. A direct quote from the Facebook group: "I [Trisha] hate this game. I have Jamie Lannister which caused me to be happy about a rape. I'm #goingtohell” Also, nobody drank any alcohol the week after Joffrey’s wine was poisoned...coincidence!?

Well, with The Hound, Ygritte, and Styr on-board, Direwolf Pups! extends their lead and has scored almost twice as many points as the rest of the league combined (132 to 165). At least last week's bottom dweller God of T!t% and Wine proved that it isn’t very hard to leap up in the standings if you’ve got a character slicing apart defenseless farmers. Tormund Giantbane’s 37 points were enough to push Daniel’s team from sixth to second place. As for our other five owners, better luck next week!

EP2: Two Episodes In

Well, it looks like twenty percent of the season is already over, and let’s just say that most of us wildly miscalculated how much killing/injury was going to score. Apparently, injury is not a precursor to killing, but in addition to it. (The Facebook page for the fantasy leagues raged for a week with debates and complaints.)

All that hacking and slashing Hound and Arya did in WK1 netted a cool 99 points total. All from a bar brawl! I’m a little frightened to see how many points will be accrued if we ever see a real, full fledged, battle. It seems like the characters capable of physical fighting will definitely carry each team. And if you drafted a team full of horny drunkards, you could be in big trouble. I mean, drinking only garners +1 point per scene and nobody’s even had sex yet. Even then, sex is only worth +5 points per instance. Somebody needs to get busy fast!

At least in WK2 Joffery and Cersei got some healthy insult points, racking up 18 and 16 each, even though it must be a bitch to determine how many insults they threw at the the poor fools around them. Either way, each week will surely be a mystery moving forward. Can we get some more fighting soon, please?!

It’s possible that Direwolf Pups’ 71 total points could hold Mel in first place all the way until mid-season. Heck, will Daniel and Trieu’s team even eclipse double digits by then? Daniel's God of T!t$ and Wine have only had Tyrion score four points, while last place Dark Knights has a measly one drinking point from Bronn. Basically, we're all hoping for a lot of action in the upcoming episodes, otherwise Direwolf Pups! and Valar Morghulis will cruise to an easy victory.

Top Five Characters:

1. The Hound (70 pts)
2. Arya Stark (34 pts)
3. Joffery Baratheon (24 pts)
4. Cersei (18 pts)
5. Prince Oberyn Martell (13 pts)

If you're not reading the Grantland Game of Thrones recaps, you're totally missing out. Plus, Andy Greenwald and Chris Ryan's podcasts the day after are must-listens!

• Hollywood Prospectus Podcast: Game of Thrones Returns!
• Episode 2 Precap: Sword Fights, Odd Couples, and Old Lovers
• Game of Thrones Episode 2 Recap: Long Live the King!
• Ask the Maester: Answers to Your Questions About the Royal Wedding Aftermath (and Other Issues of Great Import)
• [Spoilers] Here’s Exactly How The Most Recent, Huge Death In Game Of Thrones Was Pulled Off

Team Previews

Valar Morghulis
It looks like Nam will be cheering hard for what remains of the Starks. He’s got Jon Snow and Arya, as well as the wandering getup of Bran, Osha, and Hodor as well. (What, no Rickon?) The only non-Stark related person on this team is third round pick Stannis Baratheon, who is the remaining threat to Lannister domination — well, at least so they think. Basically this team is the rebel forces, out to dismantle the Death Star. What’s High Valyrian for “kill all the Lannisters?"

God of T!t$ and Wine
With Tyrion and Tywin Lannister as co-captains, Daniel’s certainly got a lot of brains on his team. There’re going to likely lead the league in great lines and insults, and they’ll both be doing plenty of drinking. It seems like the muscle will come from Tormund Giantsbane, while the sexing will have to be left to the mysterious Ellaria Sand, who makes her debut in Season Four as "the paramour of Prince Oberyn Martell. Also on this team, the traitorous Walder Frey! Last round pick Sansa Stark must be pissed off to be on the same team as the men who conspired to murder family. At least she’ll have her husband by her side!

Blonde Ambitionz
Named in honor of team inspiration and patron saints Madonna and Tupac, Jon’s full team name is "Blonde Ambitionz As A Bloodrider." Daenerys, Brienne, and Joffrey Baratheon fulfill the blonde part while the Tyrell clan of Margaery, Loras, and father Mace are clearly moving up in the world this season. Can the Mother of Dragons and the child king reconcile their differences to lead this team to victory?

Imping Ain’t Easy
There’s a lot of wonderful 1-2 punches on our teams but none so appropriate as Simon’s pairing of Jaime and Cersei Lannister. Together, the recently reunited twins are capable of scoring major points across all categories, plus they’ll corner the market on incest. They’ll have to score big, as they lead a motley crew of supporters. Who are Bronze Yohn and Tycho Nestoris anyway? Guess we’ll find out! Sacrificial lamb Gendry was rowing off on a lifeboat last we saw him, apparently right back to King’s Landing, which would be appropriate for this team. It’s surprising that Jorah Mormont would so quickly turn on Khaleesi to serve the Lannisters, but once a traitor always a traitor, right?

Direwolf Pups!
This team is all about the killing (The Hound) and the sexing (Melisandre), and sometimes both combined (Ygritte). The question is what Jaqen H’ghar, Styr, and Lord Blackmont can bring to the table. We haven’t even seen Styr or Lord Blackmont yet, and while Jaqen is a deadly assassin, his screen time has been limited to talking about killing. We’re thinking The Hound is going to have to do some heavy lifting to bring this crew to the top of the rankings.

Whore-Door
A mix and max team with hardly a theme at all to be discerned whatsoever. Pimp master Petyr Baelish will team up with the foreign Prince Oberyn Martell to…well, we don’t know what. Little Finger doesn’t seem to have a lot of fantasy potential so it could be up to the newly introduced Prince to carry this team. He’ll get a lot of help from Mance Rayder, who will definitely have a few kills coming. That’s in contrast to Varys, who can’t fuck or fight, and does he even drink? This would definitely be the team we’d pick to have all the secret power in King’s Landing, but for our scoring system, we’re not so sure. Can Hizdahr zo Loraq, the new slave raider character come to the rescue? Heck, can last pick Balon Greyjoy muster up the motivation to help his son? A lot of questions here, but at least OJ’s got the best team name!

Dark Nights
There’s no question what Trieu’s strategy was. Bronn, Daario Naharis, Benjen Stark, and Knight of the Gate Donnel Haynwood are all warrior types. Plus, who’s the last person to actually kill a White Walker? The mighty Samwell Tarly! Bronn and Daario are both quick with their tongues, and seem pretty capable of wooing/paying for their women. The big question is what happens to Theon Greyjoy this season. If he just hangs there getting flayed and tortured again, this team could be operating with a heavy anchor each week.

Welcome: So You Think You Can Dance With Dragons

I’m a simple man, I live by two basic tenets: Anything in life can be improved with a fantasy league, and that fantasy league can be improved with a blog.

I’ve played fantasy football and basketball since middle school, took Bill Simmons’ advice a few years ago and started a fantasy celebrity league, and am now currently drafting for season eight of the best fantasy sport nobody knows about (yet): fantasy MTV Challenge.

For fantasy MTV Challenge, we actually used Fantasizr last season as an alternate scoring system. They were even kind enough to customize scoring options for us last year. Ultimately, we still stuck with our low tech Google Docs to track our long-running MTV league, but I knew Fantasizr had enormous potential. After all, as Simmons said, "One thing sports have taught us is that almost anything can be improved by creating a scoring system and holding a draft. Try it.”

So here we are with fantasy Game of Thrones, likely the greatest fantasy idea I’ve heard of in many many years! My co-commissioner Mel and I literally saw Fantasizr feature this and set up a league within 36 hours. We recruited the best of the best, the Top Gun of GoT and fantasy fans. Now, armed with seven owners, we’re ready to conquer the Seven Kingdoms. My only regret is that nobody came up with this idea until Season Four, and there will only be four or less seasons of this to play.

To answer some critics, aka lame friends who didn't want to play:

“Isn’t it cheating if you’ve already read the books?”
Not really. It could be an edge to know who lives or who dies, but ultimately points will be scored for what appears on the show. Things that happen off-camera won’t be counted and it’s very likely that a character who ends up dying could ultimately score more than a character who debaucherizes him/herself into the grave.

“Why would I play this if I enjoy watching the show? Paying attention to all this little stuff would be annoying!”
As anybody who has played fantasy anything knows, interest is a quadrillion fold increased when you are numerically invested in a player/character. Plus, the simple and brilliant scoring system aligns closely with all the reasons we love watching the show. I mean, don’t you enjoy GoT because it’s got plenty of killing, maiming, sexing, and drinking? Now if only backstabbing were part of the scoring...

Plus, it’s not like YOU are responsible for tabulating the scores of 44 characters. Unless your name is Ryan H., of course. (Thanks Ryan, good luck arbitrating disputes that are inevitably gonna happen!) So really, playing fantasy GoT is just sitting back and enjoying the ten week ride while you talk shit to your frenemies. That doesn’t sound like fun?