S5EP5: Sticks & Stones

Well, instead of Dorne and more Sand Snakes, we get Valyria and the Stone Men. If nothing else, the one scene each of the new characters have shown up in so far this season definitely goes to Stone Men for excitement, coolness, and impact. I mean, they put “the touch” on Jorah for goodness sakes! It’s amazing that Tyrion got away without a scratch, but we’d think that he injured at least one of the Stone Men with his little kicks? Maybe not.

Anyway, another “setting things up” episode leads us into the back half of the season. With only five episodes to go there are a lot of things that need to be resolved. But hey! At least Stannis is on the march right? And it looks like Jon Snow gets another vacation to his favorite resort north of the Wall. I’m sure EP9 will be a bloodbath but it could take us quite a while to still get there.

Meanwhile, we finally get some dragon roasting and the biggest bomb drop of the episode: Dany’s getting married! Who else was totally caught off-guard by her proposal? I mean, besides Hizdahr zo Loraq?! I’m not sure marrying a Meerenese noble will solve her political problems but it sure seems like a terrible move. We’re more for the “roast everyone with dragons” approach that seemed to work pretty well on the first go-around. Let’s take at EP5’s scoring.

While only six characters put up points this episode, both Ramsay Bolton and Daenerys threw up 60+ weeks. Sociopath Ramsay threw up 79 total behind a ton of insults, lots of drinking, and some sex/nudity and injury (he bit a lip?). Not a bad showing. Dany’s points were all a result of her wicked tongue as she lashed out at the rich citizens of Meereen before offering one as a night time snack to Rhaegal and Viserion.

Her former advisor, Jorah Mormont, got in a fight with some Stone Men and killed and injured a whole bunch of them — but at great cost to himself, as we saw. We’re not sure how Dany’s council will look once Tyrion and Jorah arrive in Slavers Bay but will there be any more exiled knights to lend her some advice once Jorah (presumably) succumbs to his newly acquired disease?