Season 4 Review

I was thinking of going over our draft and teams from pre-season to do a full evaluation but let’s agree that it’s not really necessary. Especially when my #3 overall top pick, Daenerys "Sits on the Wrong Throne" Targaryen, turned out to have only scored six total points on the season! Dany was arguably the biggest bust in the draft, along with Jaime Lannister, who went #4 overall, but at least Mr. Goldhand got into double digit points -- and returned into his true love's embrace.

What is interesting is looking at the high scorers in each category, and seeing if there were any standouts and surprises. Overall, our top scorers were Tormund Giantsbane (142), Ygritte (138), Jon Snow (125), The Hound (117), and Styr (98). After those five is a huge drop off to Arya Stark with 37 points. Twenty seven characters accrued points this season — out of forty four — and all of them were positive scorers save one, Theon Lovejoy. The average character scored 33.5 points but that’s very misleading as the mean score was only 13 points. Basically, if you had a top five character, you did great! And if you didn’t, then it was a loooong season. In our league, Direwolf Pups! romped the field by owning three of the top five players...

Injury:
Overall, eight players got positive injury points — meaning they injured people — and two were the recipients of injury. Tyrion and Hodor were -7 and -14 points on the season for injuries suffered, while The Hound (56), Tormund Giantsbane (42), Jon Snow (21), Oberyn Martell (14), and Styr (14) were tops in positive injury points. I guess this means The Hound isn't so much a killer as he is a maimer?

Killing:
Most of the points action this season was in killing so it’s no surprise that thirteen characters racked up kills. Of those, four were single kills: Brienne, Daario Naharis, Petyr Baelish, and Samwell Tarly. It seems like Bran and Hodor split a kill, and then we move onto the real crew of killers, starting from the top. While it looked like The Hound (50) or Arya (30) would be murdering their way across Westeros early on, it turned out that all that fighting around The Wall brought the major points. Ygritte, Jon Snow, and Tormund Giantsbane all had ten or more kills, while Styr wasn’t far behind with eight. Overall though, it looks like Tormund and Ygritte win “best draft day values” as they were both picked up in the third round and finished #1 and #2 in scoring, respectively. MVP for our season goes to Ygritte though, as she was on the winning Direwolf Pups! team, plus she was so nasty that she didn’t get any injury points, meaning if she hit you, you died!

Sexing:
C’mon, where was all the gratuitous sex! Isn’t Game of Thrones all about that? Seven characters got sexing points, all only once, save for the twincest couple of Cersei and Jaime. It could be argued that Petyr Baelish deserves a double down for his possible hook up with Sansa, but perhaps that was way too off screen to count. The real curiosity is how Theon Greyjoy ended up with -7 for sex! I mean, is that the punishment for castration? (We assume this is a miscore for injury, but it’s funny so we hope it never gets corrected).

Insult:
The most subjective scoring category we used. What is a proper insult? Regardless of how Ryan defined it, eleven characters had positive insult points, while four were basically at the butt end of verbal daggers: Brienne, Ygritte, Theon Greyjoy, and Petyr Baelish. Interestingly, Tywin Lannister hardly put up any points in this category, although it’s hard to track week by week as there’s only a total here, and +2 and -2 insult points could have been moved by the episode. The winner in the duel of the dirty mouth department was Joffrey (20), who left very early on in Season 4 but not before flaming his uncle with a barrage of insults. Tyrion (16) and Cersei (14) got theirs, and The Hound was even a surprising #4 in the category with his ten points. Next year we’re gonna have to figure out how to translate great lines/insults into points!

Drinking:
For a show featuring so much alcohol, only thirteen characters imbided at least once. And of those, only about half drank more than once. Westeros’ resident lush Cersei only got six points here, which was very surprising. The other top drinkers were all Lannisters also: Tyrion and Joffrey with four points each. We’re thinking this category may have to go next season, as it’s probably funner to take real shots while watching the show, versus trying to track who is drinking on-screen.

OVERALL:
Out of 869 points doled out, the breakdown went like this: killing (590 pts), injury (147), insults (68), sexing (38), drinking (26). That’s 85% of points from injury/killing. That’s pretty heavily lopsided obviously and the challenge next season will be to come up with a system that more equally rewards all the other fun parts of watching Game of Thrones. Until then, big thanks to Ryan for starting the league (not the mention all the crazy scoring he had to do), thanks to Fantasizr, and thanks to all the members of So You Think You Can Dance With Dragons for participating!

EP 9,10: Game Time

The penultimate episode for Season 4 featured the incredible attack on Castle Black, which made for exciting viewing and a ton of points scored. Sure, 90% of the other characters were frozen out but Jon Snow and Co. made up for it with their mounds of killing. In the end, Mr. Pouty injured three and killed five, and Tormund Giantsbane, Ygritte, and Styr all racked up more than 50+ points each. Ygritte actually had the most kills from the episode with six, but she lost a few points because, well, you know what happened to her.

Episode 10 featured storylines from all over the continent and scattered points all around. Tyrion Lannister took top honors with his double kill and both Hound and Bran Stark pushed into the double digits. Sidenote: We should revisit whether Bran should get Hodor's kill points. I think it’s sort of a QB-WR question, and right now we are double rewarding! Anyways, a little bit of sexing by the Lannister twins, a brutal (presumed) kill by Brienene, and we end our first season of fantasy Game of Thrones. All in all, it was a fun time for everyone and we’re ready for improvemens and a new season! To the Wall!

An official congrats to Direwolf Pups!, who made quick work of her competitors and led the field after, oh, one episode. After our draft and even during our team previews, nobody was wise to the fact that killers -- physical killers, not verbal ones -- would become the MVPs.

Even with no shows such as Jaqen H’ghar and Lord Blackmont pulling down zero points (not to mention Melisandre’s paltry one point total), the sterling lineup of The Hound, Ygritte, and Styr was more than enough to overwhelm the rest of the league. We’ll cover individual honors later but there was basically no doubt for most of the season who would be winning So You Think You Can Dance With Dragons. So, with Valyrian swords raised high, a heartfelt congratuations to Melinda!

Let’s not overlook the other six teams though. I mean, God of T!t$ and Wine and Valar Morghulis did battle it out for #2 and #3, with Daniel squeaking by on the strength of Tyrion’s last episode surge. Nam was likely feeling great after EP9 as Jon Snow brought him into the top three race, but then Arya refused to finish off The Hound and Tyrion did, well, he did what he had to do. So in the end, a hearty congrats to Daniel and Nam, whose teams also did wonderfully.

As for Imping Ain’t Easy, Whore-Door, Blonde Ambitionz, and Dark Knights, it was mostly a light scoring season all around. Put it this way, Simon’s Imping Ain’t Easy team managed to place fourth despite having four players score zero — leaving only Cersei and Jaime to do the um, lifting. For last place Trieu, it must have been disappointing to see Bronn not kill anyone all season long, and as predicted, owning Theon Greyjoy was a net loss, as Reek recorded -2 points over the season. Better luck next year guys!

EP 7,8: Hulk Smash

Despite this being undoubtedly Game of Thrones’ most exciting season from a viewer’s perspective, the action has been far and few in-between. EP7 had lots of fantastic bits that really moved individual plots forward, but none of that resulted in a lot of fantasy points. Sure, The Hound and Arya both got killing points, but that’s de rigueur by now. What was more exciting was the kill by Little Finger, plus Daenerys finally getting down (even if it was off-screen)! Unfortunately for everyone, Gregor Clegane wasn’t a draftable character, as his one scene mauling defenseless prisoners/peasants would have obviously scored high.

And then we got EP8, the much anticipated Oberyn Martell versus The Mountain showdown. Of course, for our purposes, what was much more interesting was the Wildlings raid on Gilly's village. Tormund Giantsbane, Ygritte, and Styr all racked up huge killing numbers, vaulting high into the scoring ranks. In fact, those three are now all ranked in the individual top five scorers, pushing that bloodthirsty overachiever, Arya, into sixth place.

As for our league standings, what is there to say? Direwolf Pups extends their lead as they own The Hound, Ygritte, and Styr. With 222 points, they almost double second place God of T!t$ and Wine’s 112 points. While there’s a big battle at The Wall coming in EP9, it’s hard to envision any team catching up to the Pups. It’s a little more interesting at the bottom of the standings, as Dark Knights makes a late push to rise out of the cellar. They’re only fifteen points out of fourth place, which could make for an exciting finish. Okay, who am I kidding, this season is oveeeerrr!

EP 4,5,6: Number Driven

Well, it hasn’t really been very exciting these past few weeks, at least fantasy wise. For example, EP4 served up only three drinking points and one insult, with the high scorer being Tyrion Lannister with two points. Last week’s episode, EP6, gave us only +10 for Tyrion’s many insults and then second place was a mere two points from Tywin’s mouth. Bleh.

Thank goodness there was a big battle in EP5, which gave us +50 for Jon Snow, an intriguing +5 each to Bran Stark and Hodor (interesting split there, and likely appropriate), and a smattering of other points, including Petry Baelish’s off-screen sexing. It seems the rhythm of the show is to give us one big fight scene every other episode...but we're running out of episodes!

Overall, the negative points have almost been more interesting as Arya, Hodor, and Theon have all accumulated -7 for being injured, while Cersei has racked up -4 total from insults taken. Could someone actually end the season with negative points?

Scoring tidbit: So far, twenty-one characters haven’t scored yet, three have negative point totals, nine have put up less than ten points, and only eleven characters have totals in the double digits. Ex-king Joffrey is still ranked #6 on the individual leaderboards, despite being dead for over half the episodes.

So what of our standings? Well, Direwolf Pups! is still the runaway leader with 139 points, but at least Valar Morghulis has jumped up to within spitting distance of the lead, trailing by a mere 57 points. That’s just one good fight away from being the top dog!

As for everyone else, aside from God of T!t$ and Wine with a respectable 60+ points, it could be said their seasons are practically almost over, sine they all have under thirty points. Heck, two teams (Imping Ain’t Easy and Dark Nights) have actually lost points over the past three weeks, with Trieu’s Dark Knights dropping from thirteen points after EP3 to a mere seven points now. Ouch.

EP3: Murderers of Innocents

How bad must a cannibal’s breath smell? At least better than close talker Peter Baelish, right? Nobody knew who Styr was before the season but after seeing the premiere, it was clear the leader of the Thenns had the potential to rack up a ton of killing points. So, it was a bit of a surprise when Styr's main contribution to the farm massacre was scaring the little boy. Just one kill? You can do better than that Mr. Halitosis.

The bulk of the on-screen killing was actually done by Tormund Giantsbane and Ygritte. How shocked were you to see that the arrow loosed into that guy’s head was courtesy of our favorite redhead? Boom! Ygritte also proved that -- by bow or by sword -- she's the very definition of "one shot, one kill" as she racked up four kills against zero injured.

And finally, sex sex sex! Sure, it was gross rape-y twincest but Jamie and Cersei owners will take the points just the same. A direct quote from the Facebook group: "I [Trisha] hate this game. I have Jamie Lannister which caused me to be happy about a rape. I'm #goingtohell” Also, nobody drank any alcohol the week after Joffrey’s wine was poisoned...coincidence!?

Well, with The Hound, Ygritte, and Styr on-board, Direwolf Pups! extends their lead and has scored almost twice as many points as the rest of the league combined (132 to 165). At least last week's bottom dweller God of T!t% and Wine proved that it isn’t very hard to leap up in the standings if you’ve got a character slicing apart defenseless farmers. Tormund Giantbane’s 37 points were enough to push Daniel’s team from sixth to second place. As for our other five owners, better luck next week!

EP2: Two Episodes In

Well, it looks like twenty percent of the season is already over, and let’s just say that most of us wildly miscalculated how much killing/injury was going to score. Apparently, injury is not a precursor to killing, but in addition to it. (The Facebook page for the fantasy leagues raged for a week with debates and complaints.)

All that hacking and slashing Hound and Arya did in WK1 netted a cool 99 points total. All from a bar brawl! I’m a little frightened to see how many points will be accrued if we ever see a real, full fledged, battle. It seems like the characters capable of physical fighting will definitely carry each team. And if you drafted a team full of horny drunkards, you could be in big trouble. I mean, drinking only garners +1 point per scene and nobody’s even had sex yet. Even then, sex is only worth +5 points per instance. Somebody needs to get busy fast!

At least in WK2 Joffery and Cersei got some healthy insult points, racking up 18 and 16 each, even though it must be a bitch to determine how many insults they threw at the the poor fools around them. Either way, each week will surely be a mystery moving forward. Can we get some more fighting soon, please?!

It’s possible that Direwolf Pups’ 71 total points could hold Mel in first place all the way until mid-season. Heck, will Daniel and Trieu’s team even eclipse double digits by then? Daniel's God of T!t$ and Wine have only had Tyrion score four points, while last place Dark Knights has a measly one drinking point from Bronn. Basically, we're all hoping for a lot of action in the upcoming episodes, otherwise Direwolf Pups! and Valar Morghulis will cruise to an easy victory.

Top Five Characters:

1. The Hound (70 pts)
2. Arya Stark (34 pts)
3. Joffery Baratheon (24 pts)
4. Cersei (18 pts)
5. Prince Oberyn Martell (13 pts)

If you're not reading the Grantland Game of Thrones recaps, you're totally missing out. Plus, Andy Greenwald and Chris Ryan's podcasts the day after are must-listens!

• Hollywood Prospectus Podcast: Game of Thrones Returns!
• Episode 2 Precap: Sword Fights, Odd Couples, and Old Lovers
• Game of Thrones Episode 2 Recap: Long Live the King!
• Ask the Maester: Answers to Your Questions About the Royal Wedding Aftermath (and Other Issues of Great Import)
• [Spoilers] Here’s Exactly How The Most Recent, Huge Death In Game Of Thrones Was Pulled Off

Team Previews

Valar Morghulis
It looks like Nam will be cheering hard for what remains of the Starks. He’s got Jon Snow and Arya, as well as the wandering getup of Bran, Osha, and Hodor as well. (What, no Rickon?) The only non-Stark related person on this team is third round pick Stannis Baratheon, who is the remaining threat to Lannister domination — well, at least so they think. Basically this team is the rebel forces, out to dismantle the Death Star. What’s High Valyrian for “kill all the Lannisters?"

God of T!t$ and Wine
With Tyrion and Tywin Lannister as co-captains, Daniel’s certainly got a lot of brains on his team. There’re going to likely lead the league in great lines and insults, and they’ll both be doing plenty of drinking. It seems like the muscle will come from Tormund Giantsbane, while the sexing will have to be left to the mysterious Ellaria Sand, who makes her debut in Season Four as "the paramour of Prince Oberyn Martell. Also on this team, the traitorous Walder Frey! Last round pick Sansa Stark must be pissed off to be on the same team as the men who conspired to murder family. At least she’ll have her husband by her side!

Blonde Ambitionz
Named in honor of team inspiration and patron saints Madonna and Tupac, Jon’s full team name is "Blonde Ambitionz As A Bloodrider." Daenerys, Brienne, and Joffrey Baratheon fulfill the blonde part while the Tyrell clan of Margaery, Loras, and father Mace are clearly moving up in the world this season. Can the Mother of Dragons and the child king reconcile their differences to lead this team to victory?

Imping Ain’t Easy
There’s a lot of wonderful 1-2 punches on our teams but none so appropriate as Simon’s pairing of Jaime and Cersei Lannister. Together, the recently reunited twins are capable of scoring major points across all categories, plus they’ll corner the market on incest. They’ll have to score big, as they lead a motley crew of supporters. Who are Bronze Yohn and Tycho Nestoris anyway? Guess we’ll find out! Sacrificial lamb Gendry was rowing off on a lifeboat last we saw him, apparently right back to King’s Landing, which would be appropriate for this team. It’s surprising that Jorah Mormont would so quickly turn on Khaleesi to serve the Lannisters, but once a traitor always a traitor, right?

Direwolf Pups!
This team is all about the killing (The Hound) and the sexing (Melisandre), and sometimes both combined (Ygritte). The question is what Jaqen H’ghar, Styr, and Lord Blackmont can bring to the table. We haven’t even seen Styr or Lord Blackmont yet, and while Jaqen is a deadly assassin, his screen time has been limited to talking about killing. We’re thinking The Hound is going to have to do some heavy lifting to bring this crew to the top of the rankings.

Whore-Door
A mix and max team with hardly a theme at all to be discerned whatsoever. Pimp master Petyr Baelish will team up with the foreign Prince Oberyn Martell to…well, we don’t know what. Little Finger doesn’t seem to have a lot of fantasy potential so it could be up to the newly introduced Prince to carry this team. He’ll get a lot of help from Mance Rayder, who will definitely have a few kills coming. That’s in contrast to Varys, who can’t fuck or fight, and does he even drink? This would definitely be the team we’d pick to have all the secret power in King’s Landing, but for our scoring system, we’re not so sure. Can Hizdahr zo Loraq, the new slave raider character come to the rescue? Heck, can last pick Balon Greyjoy muster up the motivation to help his son? A lot of questions here, but at least OJ’s got the best team name!

Dark Nights
There’s no question what Trieu’s strategy was. Bronn, Daario Naharis, Benjen Stark, and Knight of the Gate Donnel Haynwood are all warrior types. Plus, who’s the last person to actually kill a White Walker? The mighty Samwell Tarly! Bronn and Daario are both quick with their tongues, and seem pretty capable of wooing/paying for their women. The big question is what happens to Theon Greyjoy this season. If he just hangs there getting flayed and tortured again, this team could be operating with a heavy anchor each week.

Teams

• Valar Morghulis (Nam): Jon Snow, Arya Stark, Stannis Baratheon, Bran Stark, Osha, Hodor
• God of T!t$ and Wine (Daniel) : Tyrion Lannister, Tywin Lannister, Tormund Giantsbane, Walder Frey, Ellaria Sand, Sansa Stark
• Blonde Ambitionz (Jon): Daenerys Targaryen, Brienne, Joffrey Baratheon, Margaery Tyrell, Loras Tyrell, Mace Tyrell
• Imping Ain’t Easy (Simon): Jaime Lannister, Cersei, Jorah Mormont, Bronze Yohn, Gendry, Tycho Nestoris
• Direwolf Pups! (Mel): The Hound, Melisandre, Ygritte, Jaqen H'ghar, Styr, Lord Blackmont
• Whore-Door (OJ): Petyr Baelish, Prince Oberyn Martell, Mance Rayder, Varys, Hizdahr zo Loraq, Balon Greyjoy
• Dark Knights (Trieu): Bronn, Daario Naharis, Benjen Stark, Samwell Tarly, Donnel Waynwood, Theon Greyjoy

RD1-3: Draft Analysis

Incredibly, if you navigate to the main Fantasizr page for Game of Thrones and then go to the "Stats" tab and then "Draft Rankings," you can see the average draft position (ADP) for every character! What a useful tool when you aren’t exactly sure what other people might think about a character’s value. Of course, since nobody has played this game before -- and most of us haven't read the books -- all of the rankings are guesses, without any historical weight or true value to be discerned. Still, what would a fantasy league be without a proper draft review? Here are the scoring rules for a refresher and now a detailed look at the first three (of six) rounds from our SYTYCDWD draft!

ROUND ONE
1. Jon Snow (Fantasizr Draft Rank: 1)
It’s hard to gauge how many fantasy leagues have been created for GoT but it’s at least ten, since that’s what the Fantasizr activity tab shows. That means, with a pristine ADP of 1.0, Jon Snow has gone first in every single draft. At least that’s what I can conjecture, without knowing exactly how Fantasizr is calculating ADP. What we do know though, is that the bastard Stark is a five tool fantasy character. He’s definitely gonna dole out some punishment, he’s obviously capable of killing, and he’s already broken his Nightwatch vows to never have sex -- although if he hopes to sleep with Ygritte again, he might be in line for that -7 for getting injured. Mr. Devirginized rounds out his talents with a few verbal jabs here and there and while I can’t recall him drinking, it’s likely because he’s been on the wrong side of The Wall for so long. We should see him reminisce over good times with recently reunited BFF Samwell Tarly, perhaps over a beer or two. Or maybe Snow’ll get all drunk emotional and blab on and on about “the one that got away (but actually I ran away and she shot me with an arrow).” Overall, Jon Snow is definitely the obvious #1 pick here, as he now pivots clearly into the role of main white hat on the show.

2. Tyrion Lannister (8)
Something weird is going on because Tyrion went super early in our draft and his strengths are obvious. He’s perhaps less capable at killing and maiming than most others but he’ll more than make up for it with fornicating, a silver tongue, and high level alcoholism. Plus, he’s one of the main protagonists of the show so he’ll get plenty of screen time. So why is his cumulative ranking so low? We can only guess that perhaps there’s an early death or something coming. Or maybe team owners were wary of Tyrion's propensity to get insulted back. Or to get chopped in the face. Or fantasy owners are just discriminating against small people with big brains. I’m not sure. Otherwise, for such a crowd favorite, why would Tyrion consistently drop so low? This analyst thinks Tyrion always deserves a first round selection, and we'll see if the little man turns out to be top two worthy.

3. Daenerys Targaryen (3)
The burning question is: Do Dany’s dragons count as an extension of her? As the owner who picked the Mother of Dragons at #3, I’d love for the answer to be “yes.” I mean, everyone kills with the instrument of their choice right? Warriors smite with steel, spies poison with poison, witches birth smoke monsters, etc. What are Daenerys’ dragons if not the original biological weapons of mass destruction? Who's with me?! Dany could actually be quite overrated if dragonfire infernos are not her own. She’ll likely throw a few insults here or there, maybe in High Valerian, and maybe sip on a little schnapps out of courtesy, but her value is basically tied to how often she’ll hook up. And despite her many suitors, Dany hasn’t slept with anyone since Khal Drogo. And that was maybe four or five times on-screen, meaning Dany could max out at 20-25 points in that category. Plus, Emilia Clarke has gone on record saying that she’s done with nude scenes, perhaps leaving most of Daenerys’ bedroom scenes to be pushed off-screen. The Breaker of Chains ain't a lock to be a scoring leader.

4. Jaime Lannister (9)
If anyone’s going to challenge Jon Snow for top dog (wolf?) status, it’ll be Jaime. He’s like Michael Jordan on the comeback trail. If this was Season One, the Kingslayer would a frontrunner for MVP of the series. After all, he was boinking Cersei on the regular, he pushed children out windows, and he was pretty swishy with a sword. Plus, his verbal daggers were tossed at every target within hearing distance. And as the continent's foremost entitled douchebag, of course he got his liquor on too. However, after a pitiful season spent in chains, and literally losing his grip, Jaime has been humbled and is either going to spiral further into depression -- shots shots shots shots! -- or he’s going to reclaim his former glory. For our Gold Dragons, we bet Jaime rediscovers his fighting prowess, drinks at night to self-medicate, and manages to sex it up with someone if not his, um, sister. Jaime’s even got his combination Scottie Pippen/Dennis Rodman now: Brienne of Tarth. A seventy-two win season could be in the cards!

5. The Hound (6)
We arrive at our first specialist. Forget being well rounded, The Hound only does one thing: 187. Sure, he’s likely to get injured once in awhile but The Hound is GoT's Rambo and his kill count is going to be grisly. With a scoring system that awards twice as many points for a death blow versus a bedding, it won’t matter that Sandor Clegane might be an automatic swipe left for all users of Westeros' Tinder. The Hound ain't pretty to look at but he's the best at what he does, and what he does isn't very nice. Also, the shorter Clegane could be a bit underrated with his insults too. I think we could have a dark horse MVP candidate. Murder, murder, murder, kill, kill, kill!

6. Petyr Baelish (20)
A shocker as the former Master of Coin vaults up to first round status. This pick’s quite interesting as it seems like Baelish is not the type to get his hands dirty, leaving out any potential killing or injuring. And while he runs the brothels, it’s rare to see Little Finger getting sprung on his own supply, as it were. There’s plenty of points to be had for Baelish's constant wine drinking but most of his value is going to have to come from his forked tongue. The problem is, Petyr is far too savvy to insult anyone to their face, and his master manipulator moves aren’t rewarded in this format. Also, isn’t he being sent away to marry somebody or other? We’re a tiny bit concerned about Little Finger’s screen time this season. Overreach?

7. Bronn (11)
Well, here’s someone who makes the most of his screen time. Every moment Bronn is on-screen, he’s either drinking, fucking, insulting, or killing. For “points per minute,” I’d nominate Bronn as a front runner. His fantasy efficiency numbers must be off the charts. The only thing holding Bronn back is that he’s a secondary character, and perhaps even tertiary. So unless that changes, we think it'll be hard for him to reach franchise player status.

ROUND TWO
8. Daario Naharis (7)
Perhaps a great value pick here, as Daario is looking like the new leading man in Daenerys’ life. As well as being a professional killer, the new leader of the Second Sons should be at least a four category character. We know Daario’s probably itching to do something with his tongue, but we’re not sure if it’ll necessarily be flinging insults. Perhaps it’ll, um, be used for something else. Either way, the merc with a heart is guaranteed to see a big bump in screen time this season. We're sensing a breakout season.

9. Prince Oberyn Martell (12)
Have we even seen this character yet? I know nothing about him. His Fantasizr bio spits out a whole ton of family relations but I have no idea what they mean. The Prince’s nickname is the “Red Viper of Dorne,” which test markets well for this fantasy audience. A catchy name like that doesn't sound like a generic Disney Prince Charming to me! My guess is that whoever took Oberyn high in (y)our draft obviously read the books beforehand. In this particular case, knowing really is half the battle. Ahem, cheaters...

10. Melisandre (18)
Basically a one category wonder, Melisandre is gonna grind her way onto the scoreboard. The good news is that the Lord of Light does not require celibacy. If anything, the Red Priestess will challenge all characters for the amount of sex had on-screen. Cue up “Pony” right now! There’s a chance Melisandre will fanatic her way into a human sacrifice or two but we’re hard pressed to see this suck up / succubus saying anything very insulting. Also, does she drink? Does blood count?

11. Cersei (5)
It’s a shame someone can’t teach Cersie how to swing a weapon. She could challenge for top tier status if she could just kill someone once in awhile. Next season, it would be awesome to see behind-the-scenes manipulation rewarded somehow. Instead, Mrs. Baratheon, maiden name Lannister, will have to make due with cutting people down with words. “I’ll take swords for $100, Alex." Unfortunately, Cersei also has a tendency to be cut down sometimes herself, especially if Daddy Dearest is present. Still, as the resident King’s Landing lush, Cersei is going to rack up the drinking points. And now that Jaime is back, maybe there’s more incest to be had? According to her pre-draft ranking, Cersei dropped quite a bit here, and could end up being quite the steal. Don’t forget that Lena Headey is one of the GoT main stars in real life, and the gifter of ridiculously fun GoT Instagrams. Yes, I'll admit: I was hoping for Cersei to fall to me.

12. Brienne (13)
Who’s more dour than The Hound? His female alter-ego, Brienne the Beauty. It’ll be interesting to see what sorts of shenanigans the ruby-less heir can get into this season. Might she finally lose her maidenhead? Unlikely, unless Jaime gets reeeeally drunk. But Brienne should be good for a few “defending someone’s honor” slayings at least. Plus, she’s no slouch with the insults herself. The big question is who does Brienne serve now that Catelyn Stark’s dead? Either way, let’s hear it for our favorite woman warrior in reasonable armor! One more question: Can Brienne dunk?

13. Tywin Lannister (14)
If penmanship and grammar were a scoring category, the Lion of Lannister would win in a landslide. Instead, Tywin will have to settle for verbally eviscerating everyone while hardly ever hearing a peep back. The father-we-all-deserve definitely won’t get his hands dirty, ala Little Finger, but he will rack up the drinking and death by insult points. There’s definitely no sex to be had in Tywin’s future, but he’s really only got a hard-on for puppeteering mass murders and preserving family legacies anyway. Physical pleasures would be soooo beneath him.

14. Arya Stark (4)
This is a confusing ranking. Arya doesn’t drink, (hopefully) won’t have sex, and isn’t strong enough to really hurt anyone yet. Is there a growth spurt coming that I’m not aware of? Or will we be seeing a GoT version of The Next Karate Kid co-starring The Hound as Mr. Miyagi? From what I can tell, Arya has a much bigger bark than her bite and she would get her ass handed to her in any of The Hunger Games. So with only insults to fend off her enemies, why was Arya getting drafted so high? Even #14 seems a bit lofty, even if she is a B.U.P. (Blow Up Potential).

ROUND THREE
15. Stannis Baratheon (2)
Okay, is Stannis about to transform into a mech warrior or something? A consensus top two pick and he went in round three of our draft. I don’t think the last legitimate Baratheon’s killed anyone yet, and he seems to be pretty ill-equipped to fight with big boy words too. If anything, Stannis has proven to be a sucker time after time and his only saving grace has been Melisandre. (Sidenote: Where is the Onion Knight on the list of draft eligible characters? It's just fun to say, "onion knight.") I can’t imagine any scenario where Stannis would be worth a super high pick unless he literally turns into the Lord of Light and shoots magic missiles from his hands. Otherwise, he seems to rank low in every category save jealous sexting and maybe some drinking. Stannis' value will have to lie in an uptick in screen time, but his #2 Fantasizr ranking seems illogically high.

16. Tormund Giantsbane (19)
I guess if your name means “a cause of great distress to giants” that means you’re pretty good at fighting. I’m pretty sure Tormund’s not getting points in any other categories though. Unless there’s an award for “best beard.” Then he can be in it to win it. Spirit fingers!

17. Joffrey Baratheon (27)
King Jaffe Joffer! The most feared man in Zamunda...and Queens! Oh wait, wrong king. The only thing these two rulers have in common is an affinity for lion skins. It’s hard to tell where Joffrey’s character trajectory is going. On one hand, I can see how he might soon rise like a sociopathic shining star and dominate this season. Or he could just get slapped around -- both physically and verbally -- to the point where all his points are lost. We see a budding five category character but will Joffrey stick around to realize his potential? With an aggregate ranking of #27, it seems like nobody believes much in the whiny king. At least the boy's got his own money!

18. Jorah Mormont (17)
Where is this exiled knight going this season? The “protector of Daenerys” role is getting pretty crowded. There’s Barristan Selmy, there’s Daario Naharis, there’s Grey Worm and the rest of the Unsullied. Plus the remaining khalasar. Not to mention Drogon, Viserion, and Rhaegal are growing up nicely. What’s a man-at-arms to do? Unfortunately, not much. Ser Jorah’s probably going to get a few kills this season but I think most of his time will be spent cock blocking Daario. Any points for that?

19. Ygritte (16)
YES, YGRITTE! I just like to type her name out in caps because she’s so awesome. We are praying to the old gods that Ygritte gets a ton of more screen time this season because she’s the rare GoT lady who’s capable of delivering across all five categories. Killing crows, shooting exes, talking shit, chewing bubble gum, this wildling can do it all! Fired up by Jon Snow’s treachery, we foresee Ygritte getting the chance to kick some Southern ass all season long. And damn if hot make-up sex won’t be on the table if the two lovers ever reunite. There's a chance we could see injuries, sexing, drinking, insulting, and killing all in one epic scene!

20. Mance Rayder (10)
Living north of The Wall sure makes people boring. Has Mance ever said anything interesting? I think not. Also, the Night’s Watch sure has a turncoat problem right? The King-beyond-the-Wall is ranked super high, like top ten high, above illustrious folk like Bronn, Brienne, and Tywin. Is the upcoming super raid about to make him a main character? Also, Mance and Tormund Giantsbane were taken six spots apart in our draft, with Tormund going higher. That's in direct opposition to the rest of Fantasizr, which had Mance ranked nine spots higher than Tormund. I'm not sure what the perceived difference in value is. And why so high in general? Will Mance and Tormund get to rape and pillage as they invade? Will one of them start getting really sarcastic and witty? Do they call it a day after they find caskets of mead?

21. Benjen Stark (28)
As we hit the bottom of the round, here’s a pick that totally flummoxed me. At first I thought Benjen was an alternate name for the younger Stark brother. After some light Googling, I discovered that Benjen is the "First Ranger of the Night's Watch.” The brother of Ned or something. Eh, whatever. Good luck staying alive buddy, your last name has an expiration stamp attached to it.

All right, that’s it! We have three more rounds after this and while fantasy championships are won or lost in the middle to late rounds, I don't even know who I'm talking about anymore. Last tidbit: Of our first twenty-one picks, it seems like only Jaqen H’ghar (15) and Margaery Tyrell (21) slipped past our owners, as compared to the Fantasizr rankings. As always, we welcome all insight, discussion, and analysis. No spoilers please!

Welcome: So You Think You Can Dance With Dragons

I’m a simple man, I live by two basic tenets: Anything in life can be improved with a fantasy league, and that fantasy league can be improved with a blog.

I’ve played fantasy football and basketball since middle school, took Bill Simmons’ advice a few years ago and started a fantasy celebrity league, and am now currently drafting for season eight of the best fantasy sport nobody knows about (yet): fantasy MTV Challenge.

For fantasy MTV Challenge, we actually used Fantasizr last season as an alternate scoring system. They were even kind enough to customize scoring options for us last year. Ultimately, we still stuck with our low tech Google Docs to track our long-running MTV league, but I knew Fantasizr had enormous potential. After all, as Simmons said, "One thing sports have taught us is that almost anything can be improved by creating a scoring system and holding a draft. Try it.”

So here we are with fantasy Game of Thrones, likely the greatest fantasy idea I’ve heard of in many many years! My co-commissioner Mel and I literally saw Fantasizr feature this and set up a league within 36 hours. We recruited the best of the best, the Top Gun of GoT and fantasy fans. Now, armed with seven owners, we’re ready to conquer the Seven Kingdoms. My only regret is that nobody came up with this idea until Season Four, and there will only be four or less seasons of this to play.

To answer some critics, aka lame friends who didn't want to play:

“Isn’t it cheating if you’ve already read the books?”
Not really. It could be an edge to know who lives or who dies, but ultimately points will be scored for what appears on the show. Things that happen off-camera won’t be counted and it’s very likely that a character who ends up dying could ultimately score more than a character who debaucherizes him/herself into the grave.

“Why would I play this if I enjoy watching the show? Paying attention to all this little stuff would be annoying!”
As anybody who has played fantasy anything knows, interest is a quadrillion fold increased when you are numerically invested in a player/character. Plus, the simple and brilliant scoring system aligns closely with all the reasons we love watching the show. I mean, don’t you enjoy GoT because it’s got plenty of killing, maiming, sexing, and drinking? Now if only backstabbing were part of the scoring...

Plus, it’s not like YOU are responsible for tabulating the scores of 44 characters. Unless your name is Ryan H., of course. (Thanks Ryan, good luck arbitrating disputes that are inevitably gonna happen!) So really, playing fantasy GoT is just sitting back and enjoying the ten week ride while you talk shit to your frenemies. That doesn’t sound like fun?

S4 Rules

What Is This?
Fantasy football plus Game of Thrones, run by Fantasizr

How Do You Score?
Your team gets points for various things your character do on-screen. Points are accrued each episode. See below for details.

• Injury (INJ): +7 points for injuring someone, -7 for being injured
• Killing (KIL): +10 points for killing someone
• Sexing (SEX): +5 points for getting down (shown or implied, judged by the scorekeeper)
• Insult (IST): +2 points for every good insult, -2 for being insulted
• Drinking (DRK): +1 point for every scene their character is seen drinking

Which Characters Are Eligible?
Click on “players” tab to see who is eligible to be drafted. There are 44 players in total.

How Does the Draft Work?
It will be a snake style draft, meaning if there are ten teams in your league, the first round will be picks #1-10, and then reverse to #10-1 for round two. Round three starts at #1-10 again and so on.

How Do You Win?
Depending on if you are playing cumulative or head-to-head (we're doing the former), whoever scores the most points after the ten episode run wins.

What's the Prize?
You become ruler of Westeros. Duh.

Is There a Facebook Group That I Can Join?
Of course there is! Right here!