S5EP3: Something Dark

Okay, this is the worst. Who doesn’t absolutely fear for Sansa right now? While GoT is often throwing its characters into dire situations, having Sansa bethrothed to (another) psychopath is too much! Ramsay Bolton may look like an extra from The Hobbit but he’s far worse than even Joffrey. At least Joffrey was semi-reined in by the adults around him; Ramsay is instead pretty much given free rein from his father to do whatever he wants. Our poor Sansa is in for a dark time, and I’m already cringing at whatever scenes she and Ramsay will share together.

The good news is that, well, there is no good news actually. We’re already almost a quarter of the way through the season and it looks like all the pieces are still setting up, with only seven more episodes to burn through. I’m already worried that Season Five will end with major cliffhangers and we’re gonna get no resolutions for any of these new plot lines. I mean, when does the monster army from the North enter the picture? Where are the worgs and giants!

Also, who else is bored with Arya’s time in the House of Black and White? If she’s just gonna sit there and endure Mr. Miyagi-esque training methods, I’d rather they just hurry it along. Also, hello, where are the Sand Snakes?!

Who would have guessed that after three weeks in, our #3 overall scorer would be Janos Slynt! I mean, how many insults can a scaredy-cat baldie throw out anyway — before his head got lopped off. Well, during EP3, Slynt led the way with +35 points while we had a pretty quiet week on the scoring front.

Margaery Tyrell finally got on the board with some (wonderful) insults, and it looks like Tyrion won’t totally slack off on his drinking ways. We also have to give a shout out to Margaery and Tommen’s post-wedding work in the bedroom. Now that Tommen has become a man, will we see more scoring from the current Throne-sitter? We doubt Tommen’s capable of insulting anyone, but could a kill or an injury be part of his fifth season arc? Also, did Joffrey die a virgin? Can someone answer that?